We never could figure out why God chose us to do what we were doing. In so many ways we were totally unprepared for what was happening. Our language studies were put on hold and we knew we probably would never get back to studying Hindi again. One thing we knew for sure was that we needed lots of help. We prayed like our lives depended on it.
Our diaries were full of cries of desperation. Days were spent struggling with feelings of uselessness and hopelessness. We were happy for the people whose lives had been radically changed but there were so many more who needed love. There were times when labourers were threatened with their jobs if they kept coming to meet with us. They kept coming. Rumours went around the mountain about us being a cult. There were some who avoided us.
We had to teach on everything. Our new friends had no idea who Adam, Noah, Jesus or any other biblical characters were. Nothing made sense unless everything was explained. We enjoyed that part the most but it was tiring. There were others who knew a lot and the basics weren’t enough for them. Some were high maintenance. Gossip was something we knew would wreck havoc in our community so we were on high alert with that.
There was so much going on that was good and amazing. There was also a lot of spiritual oppression and depression that we had to fight off on a daily basis. That was the most exhausting battle of all.
Tony’s struggles were particularly real. He would walk around in the forest crying out to God for help. Fighting it out when he was alone and weak, caused him to go under for days on end. Once, the only way he could deal with it was to go to bed in the middle of the day. I wrote these words for him during a time like that:
When my love is cold, I’m on the lonely road
My head is down, no longer the clown
My hope is dim, not seeing Him
Yes, I still smile
And I sing my songs
I never let on what I’m going through
The work goes on and I press on through
Things look good like I suppose they should
I’d like to run, have some fun
Not care for you or anyone
Let down my hair and the burden I bear
Take care of myself
Live my life
With my children and my wife
Is this all to my call?
Have I hit a stonewall?
In the dark, I cry, “Turn on the light!”
Help me to see what I’m meant to be
Don’t let me die never knowing why
I’ve lived my life.
(From Tony’s CD- Off the Edge)
Every time we cried out, God heard and came to our rescue. He was our biggest fan; supporting us, encouraging us and spurring us on to not give up. No matter what came our way, we knew we weren’t alone. We were in it for Him and He was in it with us.